Monday, November 14, 2011

Do you struggle with the "It's not good enough" complex when trying to find a gift for your love? This might help.

I was recently delighted with a special surprise evening. For our 20-year wedding anniversary, my husband insisted on planning a "Johnny Walker Surprise" that was not revealed to me until we reached the destination. (Yes, my husband's name really is Johnny Walker).

"A surprise? But, I don't like surprises," I replied. I say that, often, yet I have never actually encountered a surprise of his that I didn't like.

So, why do I whine that I don't like them?

Maybe because he is far better at making special plans than I am? He is a prodigy when it comes to planning special evenings or presenting special gifts.

When I try to think of things to plan on my own, or gifts to buy or make him, everything I come up with in my head simply withers beneath the towering shadows of the awesomeness that is Johnny Walker.

Simply put, my brain says, "It's not good enough."

I have struggled with this dilemma for years. Some years, I may overcome this delusion I've somehow created for myself, but I still struggle somewhat. But, at times in the past, I'd become so overwhelmed by attempting to plan something special or trying to come up with a special gift that I wasn't even able to pick out a simple greeting card.

I had become cursed with the words that the "Misty mind" was insistent upon repeating, "It's not good enough. It's not good enough."

Don't get me wrong. It's not at all about trying to compete with his plans or his gifts. It's all about my head saying, "It's not good enough... for him."

The "Misty mind" complex began when our relationship did, 23 years ago. He is the world to me, and it's hard for me to come up with a surprise or a gift that can stand up to something so profound.

What's interesting is that for my friends, picking out a card or a gift is easy. Of course, they are special to me as well, but they are not my dear husband.

Devastation Through Paralysis

Without knowing the reasons behind the non-actions for special days, you can imagine the hurt that this can inflict on one's spouse; the husband watches his wife quickly and easily pick out special gifts for friends, and for him, there is nothing when it comes around to his special day.

Without communication, one spouse's internal complex can inadvertently subject the other spouse to their own internal complex. A lack of communication breeds assumptions of what the other is thinking or feeling and assumptions are, more often than not, incorrect.

If you have difficulty thinking of special surprises or gifts for your spouse, don't let yourself become overwhelmed with the decisions and just take it one step at a time. If you have issues with "Misty mind," as I do, allow yourself plenty of extra time to think about it. Putting it off until the last minute will only make it harder for you.

If your spouse is one that seldom buys things for themselves, but you often hear them say, "Oh, I like that!" You can simply keep a running list of things you've heard them comment on. By the time a special day rolls around, you'll have a whole list of things to choose from and can choose one that would be appropriate for the occasion at hand.

Some spouses may be quite hard to buy for simply because if they want something, they've already bought it for themselves by the time a special occasion comes around. So expand your options.

Your running list can also include places your spouse has mentioned they would like to go or maybe specific activities that they've expressed an interest in doing.

"Doing," rather than "buying" may also be an alternative option for you when you want to do something for your love on a special date or occasion such as anniversaries or birthdays.

The Big Reveal

For my special "Johnny Walker Surprise," I was only given a suggestion of appropriate attire for the evening. (Of course, that's one of the first things that I asked when I was told it was a surprise. "Well, what should I wear?")

Our first stop was dinner at a restaurant that I had been wanting to patronize. At the end of our meal, I was presented with a special anniversary cake for dessert. On top was a beautiful porcelain topper of a husband and wife that, together, formed the number 20, the number of years we've been married.

In secret, he had gotten the cake and topper separately and took them to the restaurant earlier that day. I also received a nice anniversary card.

Following dinner, we were off to our second destination of the evening and I was surprised with a special overnight getaway at the Hilton. Our room was adorned with rose petals on the bed, champagne, grapes, strawberries, and chocolates (as well as chips, salsa, and soda in case I wanted a snack later). He had even secretly packed an overnight bag for me.

When you put it all together, it could be seen as just dinner and a room at a hotel. I would have been happy with a picnic in the park and a trip to Target to grab rainbow socks for bowling. It's not the amount of money you spend or where you go, it's the effort, and it's the surprise.

Don't let the "Misty mind" fool you... it is good enough.

Article published by Hitched Magazine November 2011
Click the title to view the article on

Saturday, October 29, 2011

What is my voice again, exactly?

I'm a big user of the "notes" app on my iPhone. I've had one on there for a good long while. 

The title?

 "Speaking Engagement (for real)"

And that's all that the note has held. Just a lonely title; nothing more.

Today,  I wrote three words. "Forgiveness and understanding." Yep. That's all.

I have believed that my doing stand-up comedy was a door for me. Well, yes, it was in fact a door for me, for a lot of things, but I believed it was a stepping stone to speaking engagements. 

I was comfortable in front of the audience. And I have a lot to share with people. Seems fitting.

It's still something that I would like to do. I've been asked a few times by different groups or organizations, but declined.

After the last offer that I declined, someone that I know told me a speaking engagement should be easy, when compared to doing stand-up.

Should it? I don't think I agree. Comedy seemed easy. Trying to figure out a "format" and what I'd actually want to say at a speaking engagement is proving to be alot more difficult. 

Maybe it's because the comedy was mainly for me? I didn't really care what the outcome was. I liked it. I enjoyed it. 

But this, it's not for me, it's for "them." It's for the audience. I have difficulty even beginning.

So, it makes me wonder now if I should just stick to writing.  Or maybe, I'm just giving up because it's too hard. 

Either way. 

Here I am.

Writing about it. 

Monday, October 24, 2011

Consideration when choosing a family pet

You and your spouse have been discussing it, and have come to the conclusion that you are both ready to take the plunge. It’s time to bring an addition into your family—a pet!

Whether it’s just you and your spouse or if you have children, getting a pet should not be a decision that’s made on the spur of the moment. Putting great thought into it, before making any final decisions, will be seriously beneficial to everyone in the long run.

How do I know this, you might ask? Experience. My family and I have brought in numerous pets over the years without putting appropriate thought into it beforehand. We’ve made mistakes. But, perhaps sharing our mistakes will help you to find your perfect family pet.

Some may say, "If it’s in a cage or a bowl, there’s not really anything to think about. I mean, how much trouble could a pet of this nature possibly be?"

For one, if you have small children it may be more challenging than you think. About 13 years ago, my husband and I along with our son, Chance, returned with a small gold fish we had won by tossing ping pong balls into fishbowls. Simple enough, right? A little fish food, a bowl—which we didn’t even have—and presto! Perfect caretakers. Chance, at first, wanted to take the fish out of the "fish mug," which we were keeping it in so he could play with it. He didn’t understand that it had to stay in water. "Bath?" he’d ask, assuming the fish had to stay in the water. So, we obliged the young tot and confirmed to him that, yes, the fish was taking a bath.

After having the fish about a week, I came through the living room one evening and noticed a bath towel up on one of the shelves in the living room. I picked up the towel and let out a gasp. The bath towel had soaked up all of the water in the fish’s mug. I can only assume that Chance had decided the fish was done taking a bath. What did Mommy do when it was time for Chance to get out of his bath? I dried him off with a bath towel. I’m sure to him it made perfect sense.

Services were held later that evening over the toilet bowl, just before bath time.

Our first mistake and one that you and your spouse need to discuss as soon as a new pet is introduced into the family is: Do we have the proper resources to care for this new family addition? And, are we ready to educate ourselves and our children on how to properly care for the new pet? The first thing you should do is look up the animal on the internet and do some reading. Go down to your local pet shop and ask questions. All life should be loved and nurtured, no matter how small and it’s going to require some effort from everyone in the house. If you have any doubt then it’s probably going to be a negative experience and one that will have you and your spouse sitting in your child’s room "explaining" some things.

With that said, here are a couple more do’s and don’ts that will help you along the way.

Don’t become the town breeder.Back when I was in high school, I purchased a female and a male hamster. I quickly became the hamster breeder for the local pet shop. My female hamster had 10-15 babies at a time, and since the gestation period is very short, we had a lot of baby hamsters over a two-year period. I traded the hamster babies at the pet shop in town for more food and bedding for the next brood of babies. Looking back, why I didn’t simply separate the male and female is very perplexing.

The lesson here is that although it’s a nice thought to be able to provide a companion for your caged pet, be sure you don’t inadvertently become the town breeder. Also, keep in mind that with a cage comes cage cleaning. If you are unable to maintain the needed upkeep, consider other options that may better suite your family.

Do educate yourself and your family on the types of illnesses the animal may be prone to and what the symptoms are.When the boys were young, we had a pet rabbit, briefly. It was a dwarf rabbit and was very sweet. Unfortunately, the rabbit was sick when we got it and passed on shortly after. Because we had not educated ourselves on this animal before we brought it home, including the types of illnesses that they are prone to, and what the symptoms of these illnesses were, we did not even realize that the rabbit was ill. We simply thought it was very "friendly, gentle and calm," as we were told.

Owning and caring for a pet is a lot of responsibility and it's important for the entire family to understand and feel that responsibility. When you, your spouse and kid(s) are all aware of the care and needs of your pet, that animal will return the favor by supplying you with years of happiness—or chewed up furniture.

Published by Hitched Magazine October 2011

Monday, October 10, 2011

October 25th - A greater significance than I knew

John and I will have been married 20 years in a few weeks on October 25, 2011.

We were "official" on this same date in high school, so that is why we chose this date to be married three years later. We were fresh out of high school. Even so, October 25, 1991 was the date the "Walker Family" began, with just he and I. Jeffrey came along not too long after in 1993, and then Chance in 1996.

The significance of October 25th at that time was only that it had been our "we are officially a couple" date. Until today, I had no idea that this date held a great significance in my life, that had actually begun 15 years before we got married.

During our recent visit back home to Evansville, Indiana, my Mom (my grandmother who raised me) sent me home with some boxes of things. She's moved from her house in Posey County to an apartment in town and the boxes of things she gave me had been found in one of the storage areas when it was cleaned out. 

There was a photo album in one of the boxes that I don't recall every seeing before. It had belonged to my parents. It didn't have many photos in it, but some of them I had never seen before.

"Deb and Jeff 1971"

In the front of the photo album was an envelope that Mom had put in there for me. Inside the envelope was a copy of my father's accident report from when he was killed on September 25, 1976. It contained additional information that I hadn't seen previously. I also found a paper that took me a minute to realize what it was. It was the guardianship papers that granted legal guardianship over my sister and I to my Mom

The date that my family changed back then, was on the same date that my family had changed when 
John and I got married... October 25th. 

I had no idea the date of our wedding was so significant, and before I even knew it.


My Mom and I at my book signing in Evansville, Indiana
September 2011

Misty and John October 2011

I love my families... all of them.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Planning a vacation destination

When it comes to traveling, my husband and I are complete opposites. I’m a homebody and he’s Mr. Adventure—always on the go and likes to travel to different countries. This can cause issues, or even arguments, when we are trying to plan a vacation destination that will suite both of our needs.

What to do? Something many couples may not even think to consider.

First, you must analyze yourself and discover why you feel the way you do. Second, you must share your thoughts and feelings with your spouse. And lastly, understand your spouse’s point of view the best you can and come to an agreement.

When I ask myself, "Why do I like to stick close to home?"—and I really think about it—it makes perfect sense and is no surprise.

I lost my family very young and was raised by my grandmother. As a child, I was extremely close to her and had great separation anxiety when I was away from her. Even spending one night away at a friend's house caused issues and sometimes she would have to come pick me up in the middle of the night. I preferred being in my comfort zone of familiar surroundings where I felt safe and secure.

As I grew a bit older, spending the night at a friend's house was no longer an issue because their homes, too, became a part of my comfort zones and I felt secure there.

But, when it was time for college, just the thought of attending a large campus away from home was a cause of anxiety; and I opted for a very small community college close to home, instead. Add in the fact my mother is a missing person and my father was killed in an accident, and knowing how easily bad things can happen, it is no surprise that I've always been a homebody. It all just makes sense and, for me and my history, is "normal."

Don't get me wrong. At 38 years old, I'm no shut-in by any means. I'd just prefer to do a "day trip" or maybe a weekend trip to somewhere that's not too far from home rather than flying away for a week or two to another country.

Understanding One Another’s Point of View
What fueled our vacation planning discussion between my husband and I started when we’d been given the opportunity to use a time-share once a year.

My husband's point of view is this: "We can go anywhere in the world. Why would I want to waste that opportunity and stay somewhere in the same state that we live in? We can do that any time."

Valid point.

And you know what? The more he explains his point of view, the more I am actually warming up to the idea. And the more I explain my point of view, the more he is warming up to my idea of doing something close to home—even day or weekend trips, too.

Over the past few years, we've not vacationed because we simply couldn't agree on where we would go. So, we just didn't go… period.

Now, I'm starting to get excited about taking a trip. Why waste something that is a great opportunity? I've always loved Egyptian history and architecture. Egypt… Paris… maybe Italy?

I am learning to release my former fears and anxiety and am allowing myself to embrace my creative and spontaneous side. What wonderful pictures I would be able to take if we went to Egypt! How many writing ideas would I come up with in Paris?

In turn, my husband is also realizing we can have a wonderful "mini-vacation" at a local resort an hour from home.

End result? We're going to be doing both.

Published by Hitched Magazine

Be sure to check out some of the other great articles on
It is a wonderful resource for married couples!

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

"You don't listen." Wait... or DO you?

Rewind twenty years...

John and I are eighteen years old and freshly married. We are having an argument. What about - oh, who the heck knows. But, there's one thing I do remember from this night, other than the fact we'd also recently gotten a waterbed.

But, I digress.

John was going on about something and I was listening to whatever it was he was talking about... without saying anything.

He later was agitated because I was not saying anything. He thought that because I was not going back and forth with him that I was not listening to what he was saying and thought that I was not putting forth effort to help resolve whatever the issue was at that time.

My response was that I did not want to interrupt him while he was talking and by the time he was done I forgot what it was that I was going to say.

(And I'm not saying anything bad about my husband here, he just gets on a roll sometimes when he is passionate about something, as many do.)

His response? "Interrupt me then."

I listened. And I obliged.

Fast forward ten years...

John can't finish a thought out loud without me putting in my two cents.

Ahhhh... Evolution. Sometimes it just really doesn't go the way we imagined it would.

Fast forward another ten years to today...

Sure I do still interrupt sometimes. But, it is more balanced now and I make a conscious effort. And now when John is talking, he will stop periodically and ask my thoughts.

Point of the story:

1) Sometimes we need to just shut up.
2) Sometimes we need to speak up.
3) Sometimes we need to just shut up, so our spouse can speak up.

Live. Love. Learn.

Misty Lynn

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Swimming in Emotion

Today I got in the ocean

I swam with the fish 

But I was swimming in the smiles and laughter of my family

Today I swam in emotion

Being afraid of things I could not see
Had kept me from my favorite three

How many moments had I missed
From fear of touching something adrift

How many people could only dream of the places I've been and done and seen

And here I'd been, sitting and watching all these years with no one... but me.

Today I got in the ocean

I swam with the fish

But I was swimming in the smiles and laughter of my family

Today I swam in emotion

For my three, just for me, and for everyone else that could only wish that it could be.

Live. Love. Learn.

Misty Lynn

Wednesday, July 27, 2011


PSYCHIC/TAROT INSIGHTS FOR MISSING CHILDREN /PEOPLE: DEBRA ANN WILHITE: "Missing Since: Mid October 1974 from Evansville, Indiana Classification: Endangered Missing Date Of Birth: November 15, 1954 Debra ..."

I have no idea who requested this reading, but thought I'd share it on here for anyone interested.


Saturday, June 25, 2011


Taking time away to work on the children's book...


Duckies, Duckies

They make their own family

Who’s the Mom? Who’s the Dad?

It’s very hard to see

Do they even know who they are supposed to be?

Maybe they know more than people sometimes do

Your family is who loves you

Your family is who you love

Your family is who takes care of you

It all comes from above

Duckies, Duckies

They make their own family

I’m a duck, you’re a duck

We can make our own family tree

Thursday, June 9, 2011

"Life Boat"

Last night I had a dream that my husband and I were fishermen. We had a boat and every day we went out on the water and we fished. We even sported those long yellow slickers that were spotted with disgusting and smelly rotten fish guts.

Just describing it right now as I type on my trusty iPhone, I can smell that rank fish smell that was so obtrusive to my senses in my dream.

But, we were fisherman, and we absolutely loved being out on the waters, together, everyday... Even if it was choppy and black on some days, even if it was so foggy you couldn't see your hand in front of your face - as long as we sensed the other one was near, we were just fine and perfectly content.

But, not all days were bad and smelly. Some were absolutely crystal clear with smooth waters and blue skies with nice tans and sassy swim suits. That's after the boat had morphed into a large and expensive yacht, of course.

Now, obviously, I was not having this dream simply because I adore the water and love to fish. If you know me, you know that it is QUITE the opposite. I am not a "water person," in the least. And I also have absolutely no interest in fishing.

In my dream, it seemed as if we had lived twenty-three years on that boat. We had encountered many "episodes" of close calls with a man overboard. One of us would fall off the side of the boat (or jumped) while the other one struggled to pull them back in.

Or sometimes one of us would spend most of the time on the opposite side of the boat than the other, and the other would wonder around the boat desperately seeking our mate... Knowing they had to just be a fingertip away, but the fog was just too thick to find them. And who was in which position flip flopped from one to the other.

This would go on for some time on occasions before we both ended up back on deck together.

Of course, it all has meaning. Water generally symbolizes "life" when it comes to dreams. And everything in the dream was pretty much right on the money if you were comparing it to all twenty-three years that we've been together.

But, wait...  Suddenly, another has come onto this "life boat" of ours... We have a 3rd mate on deck now and it is our son, Jeffrey, who recently turned 18 and graduated high school.

It appears that since he's now eighteen and out of school, we have asked... Insisted?.... forced Jeffrey to join the fisherman livelihood that we had elected for ourselves so many years before.

And what happened to Jeffrey on his first day onboard? A shark bit his hand right off. We wrapped up his stump arm and pretty much said, "Yep, so there ya go." We didn't even seek medical attention for him.

But, by the end of the dream, his hand had grown back... all by itself.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Creating your own rules for Marriage

My husband, John, and I were looking through our Freshman High School yearbook a few weeks ago. He's been trying to place the name of a specific person that we went to school with to no avail. None of the names or pictures rang any bells, but something else chimed out very loudly and very clearly.

Buried deep within the pages of the old yearbook, we found two pieces of school notebook paper with six "Fair Fighting Rules" that John and I were to abide by if something came up that we disagreed on. I think I'd found these rules in a magazine and, of course, I thought that because it had been written in a magazine then these rules must be so.

I remembered the way I felt when I showed them to John back then; empowered in "knowing" that since we had these six rules we were obviously going to be set for a better life. How wonderful this magazine was to give us the key to achieve a perfect relationship. At least that's what I thought then.

After John and I reviewed the rules, we agreed that some of them had been broken many times over the years. It also made us realize that it's very easy to write things down: things married people should do, things married people shouldn't do, etc. But as our marriage progressed we both came to realize that just because something is written doesn't make it so and that the rules we came up with back then, didn’t really apply to our lives in the present.

Why? Marriage is far too complex to be summarized into one distinct category and much too indifferent to have a set of rules to be thrust upon any one couple. The marriage of two human beings is a living and breathing thing. It breathes in and it breathes out and sometimes it even holds its breath. It grows hot, warm, cold and hot again. To put rules on a piece of paper is like trying to map the travel of a swarm of butterflies or alligators. Couples need to realize that each day is its own and each year is another reason to look back and reminisce on what the good and bad experiences were in the relationship and use those experiences to help gather the positive attributes to help strengthen what you share together.

There are many things such as personal experiences, specific circumstances and the overall history of a relationship that reflect what makes any marriage a "good marriage." Sometimes the past mistakes that we’ve made and things we’ve done wrong in a relationship are actually the things that end up making us a closer couple, making us stronger and making our relationship even better.

We are all human, and people will always make mistakes. There is no manual or set of rules written by couples, themselves, that will fit into every single situation you encounter along the way. If there were, it would be marked up with so many notes, exceptions, ifs, whens and maybes that it would end up being mounds of writing on top of writing. Remembering, to live and learn will help your marriage grow and will help it prepare for the unexpected—whether good or bad.

Article published Hitched Magzine:

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

BOOK SIGNING - Barnes & Noble - Evansville, IN

First book signing for LITTLE MISTY: My Big Red Button

DATE: FRIDAY, SEPT. 30, 2011
TIME: 6:30 pm
624 S. Green River Rd
(812) 475-1054

Monday, May 30, 2011

PLAY DATES! (For Couples)

We see the need for our children to have "play dates" with other children. But, do we, as married couples, sometimes forget that spending time with our peers is beneficial to us, as well?

Gather your couples friends, pick a time/day,and mark your calendar.

Photo By Misty Lynn Walker
A special Thank You to Justin Kane for letting
me use the photo I took of him!

When our children are young, we make "play dates" so that they may spend time with other children and grow with them, interact with them, and learn from, and with, them.

For our children, we will often put our own needs aside so that they will have these opportunities to spend time with their peers, because we understand how important it is for them to have these interactions.

It's easy to forget that we, (adults who are married or are in committed relationships) also crave, require, and benefit from our own "play dates" with other "couples."

For young children, in addition to interaction with those of the same age and home-style situations as their own, it can also be beneficial for them to spend time with those who are older than them, younger than them, and in different home situations than they are. These interactions are also important for them to have and are great learning experiences for them, too.

When we are married couples, parents, or those in a committed relationship of the like, we will naturally tend to sometimes gravitate towards others who are in similar situations as we are, but will often have friends, or groups of friends, who's situations are unlike our own.

Spending time with both sides of these friend circles, both together as one large group, or separately in smaller groups, is good for us. But, let us not forget that it is completely acceptable, and okay, to sometimes plan a specific type of get-together that's just for "couples."

We have some friends who are single, and some friends who are couples. For this Memorial Day weekend, my husband and I, and two other couples, planned a "play date" with just three couples.

My work friends and I do "girl time" after work at least twice a month for a few hours. It is wonderful to have time with just the girls; discussing things, venting, and being silly with just us. These play dates include all of our girl friends; single, divorced, and married.

But, when you are a couple, it is also very important and very beneficial to spend time with other couples that are in a committed relationship. Though we didn't like not including our single friends in this specific event, we knew they would understand.

Because John and I married and had children very young (married at 18, first child at 20) it's often been very difficult to find other couples in our "exact" peer group. I don't think we have ever been friends with another couple who were both our age and had children the same age as ours. We've often been good friends with other couples who actually had children the same age as we were, or friends with couples who were much younger than us that had much younger children, or no children at all. But, it's still good to do things with other couples who are also in committed relationships, even if they aren't in the exact home situation as you are.

Between us and the other two couples on our Memorial weekend "couples play date," we were the only couple in our specific situation. John and I will have been married 20 years this October, and we have two teenage boys, 18 and 15. One of the other couples has been married not quite two years, and were in a committed relationship for three years before they married. The other couple is not married, but they have been in a committed relationship with each other for five years and they share a home together. Neither of the other couples have children and they were all a bit younger than John and I; I turned 38 in April, and John will turn 38 later this year.  The average age of the other couples is 30.

Though it is very nice to sometimes spend time with other couples who are your age, and also have children around the same age as your own, it is not required when planning a "Couples Play Date."  The base of the camaraderie is that you are all in a committed relationship. Even if you are all at different stages of your relationship, you can still learn from each other. Having couples play dates with couples who are in different home situations can actually often lead to being more of a learning experience and prove to be even more valuable than with other couples who are in the exact situation that you are.

It's the same as it being helpful to younger children having play dates that include children that are either older or younger than they are. They can all learn from each other, see different perceptions, perspectives, behaviors, etc., than their own.

Interacting with the other couples and observing their behaviors can actually help our own relationship. It can lead to our own realization of things we need to work on, ourselves. It may give us new and fresh perspectives on past things in our relationship that we are still working on, or just might give us new ideas or perspectives on what we would like to see in our relationship in the future. If you are all at different stages in your relationships, every couple can benefit from the "play date" in this way, in some form or fashion.

(Plus, it's just plain fun to just hang out with friends, too!)

Where did we go on our couples play date?

We did an over-night couples get-away for this specific play date. One of the couples' family members happened to have an empty rent house that they allowed us to utilize. It was a large home, and had a built in pool in the back. Because it was nearly an hour away from where John and I live, and there was plenty of room in the house, we all just stayed there over night. Each couple had their own room that they could retire to.

What did we do on our couples play date?

We all met up at the house around 6pm. Everyone brought food and drinks that we pretty much all shared. The host of the party also ordered pizzas that evening. The majority of what we did that evening was talk. We talked about a lot of stuff.  Random stuff, couples stuff, happenings of the world, our points of view about stuff, stuff about our past jobs, and even though the other couples don't have any, we still talked about children and points of view on the subject.  Lots and lots and lots of talking.  We also swam, ate, drank, and played some fun games.

One of the games we played was this really fun game called "The game of THINGS," which John and I brought.  You have to have at least four people to play, and we hadn't yet played it until now. It's a great game to play with couples. I highly recommend it!

The Game of Things: Humor in A Box

We also played corn hole...

(It's amazing how something so simple can be so fun with a group of people, isn't it?)

The next day, we grilled out, ate, drank, hung out, talked, and swam some more.

A couples play date really isn't about where you go or what you do... it's about interaction. And the only thing you "really" have to spend is... time

We were fortunate to have this empty house where we could all go and have a mini couples get-away. But, something like that is not required and it doesn't have to be an over-night couples play date. (Though, if you are able to do that sometimes, I highly recommend it and encourage you to!)



If you enjoyed that article, check out this one... "Trust, Honesty, and Silliness. - Maintain a Solid Marriage by Being Silly" By Misty Lynn Walker.  Published by Hitched Magazine - Entertains, Educates, and Inspires Marriages. Click below link to view the article.


Monday, May 16, 2011

Be Still...

This morning, I was given a very special gift.

A work friend of mine, who read my book over the weekend, quietly presented me with a beautiful card that included a lengthy note inside. Along with the card, I was given these three rocks.

When she laid the rocks on my desk, they were face down so they just looked like plain black rocks. After I finished reading the card, and wiped a tear or two from my eyes, I picked up one of them and saw that they said something. One by one, I slowly turned over each rock.

...Be Still

...And Listen God.

What makes these very simple rocks such a very special gift in my eyes is the fact that they were special to the person who gave them to me. She'd painted the words on them herself many years ago, and since then, they'd stayed in a prominent place on the night stand right next to her bed, where she could view them every day.

To me, giving another person something of your own that you yourself cherish holds such a great deal of meaning.

I am honored that she wanted me to have them.

Thank you, my friend.

And to my other friends, take a moment out of your day and...

Be still... And listen... To God.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

A quarter and a smile

Photo by Misty Lynn Walker and Boys

John and I went grocery shopping earlier. We shop often at our local Aldi food market. For anyone not familiar with that chain, at Aldi you are responsible for bagging your own food i.e. you bring your own bags (or you can buy bags there; disposable or reusable.)

When you first arrive, you put a quarter in a slot on a cart, which releases it from the rest of the carts. When you are done shopping and have unloaded your cart, you take it back to the front and attach it to the rest of the carts, which pushes your quarter back out to you.

All items within the store are off-brands, so the cost of some items are generally going to be much less than if you purchased it at a higher end grocery chain.

With that, in combination with the shopper being responsible for their own bagging and return of their cart, it allows a much lower over head for the store as they do not require the staff to bag groceries or retrieve carts from the parking lot, which also helps with keeping the consumer's cost down.

To me, it's very green and "hippy-ish," and is one of the reasons that I like shopping there. I also enjoy coffee shops and small cafe's and co-op restaurants where you (gasp) yes, bus your own tables.

With all of that said, believe it or not I'm not trying to promote any place or anything. Well... Actually, I take that back. I am promoting something, but must explain further before you will understand what it is.

As we just finished loading the last of our groceries into our vehicle, a man with a young boy with him was walking by us on his way to the store entrance. He stopped and, with a friendly smile and demeanor, said "Can I save you a trip and trade you a quarter for your cart?"

Of course, we traded. He gave us a quarter, and I held the cart to keep it from rolling while he put his boy in.

Driving home John said, "It's amazing more people don't do that."

To do this, being nice and friendly to a stranger is required. And this is something that some people just don't even consider, think about, or take the time to do.

"A quarter and a smile" is worth a great deal more than just 25 cents.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Those three words

"It's a boy."

My oldest son, Jeff, turned 18 last week. On his birthday, while I was at work, I sporadically listed to my friends things my 'baby' could now do. This evening, he did one of the numerous things on my list - he bought some scratch off lottery tickets.

Over the course of the evening, I've reminisced particular things that have happened over the course of his life... And i realized just how many of these things Jeff has no recollection of because he was alive, yes, but was but a wee peanut still growing in my belly.

I've decided to share some things so he can get a peek inside and share a glimpse of how our lives evolved around him, before, during, and after his birth.

My husband, John, and I married at eighteen, just five months after we graduated high school. On our one-year wedding anniversary in October of 1992, I was two months pregnant.

John and I were still living with my "Mom," my grandmother who raised me.

John's half sister, Melissa, and her husband (also named John) had recently moved in right down the road from us, and we spent a lot of time with them before and during the pregnancy. Melissa was pregnant at the same time I was and we actually went and got tested at the same time to confirm.

(Though Melissa and John had moved away to a different state by the end of our pregnancies, we almost delivered at the same time- your cousin was born the day after you on May 4th.)

The day I'd went and got tested to confirm was also the day I told my Mom we were expecting. With the same breath, I also told her that, if it was a boy, he would be named... Jeffrey.

Even though John and I had  been married less than a year, and I was only 19, I'd already known for a long time that my first son would be named Jeff- after my father.

My father had been killed in an accident in 1976 when I was three. I never knew him, but I knew without a doubt that he was a kind and good man. And this was one way I knew his memory would live on, even past me.

If I have one regret, it is that I did not go further and give Jeffrey the middle name of "Wilhite," my maiden name and my father's last name. We picked the middle name of William simply because it fit nicely and seemed to work well.

(Though your Dad never really had a choice and never disagreed with naming you Jeffrey, he rebelliously called you "Junior" after you were born. But, that wore off after a couple weeks.)

I was working as a cashier at "The Eagles Nest" during my pregnancy. (The cafe at the University of Southern Indiana) The college students that came through my line every day watched as my belly grew bigger and bigger.

(And then one day, I wasn't there when they came thru the line. We were at the hospital instead- because it was the day you decided you were ready to see the world. Well, it was the day before, actually. You took your time.)

We were at the hospital around 1pm in the afternoon on May 2nd and just after 1am in the morning on May 3rd, we had a beautiful baby boy in our arms.

Over the course of the nine months, everyone had convinced us that we were having a girl. We'd picked the name Jessica Lynn, just in case.

I am thankful, and grateful, that our "Jeffrey" arrived as we'd originally and initially planned.

(I can't imagine our lives without YOU.)

Our little beautiful and perfect baby boy is now EIGHTEEN, and graduating high school in less than a month. Our first son has matured and grown to be such a wonderful, intelligent, funny, creative, and just awesome person all around.

It's simply mind boggling as it seems it was just yesterday that we heard those three words... "It's a boy."

Friday, April 29, 2011

Trust, Honesty, and... Silliness

Putting aside the "adult" in your marriage may lead to a more open and honest relationship with your spouse.

The simple act of being married is easy. However, maintaining a solid, happy relationship does take effort on both sides. The tough part is that sometimes we simply don't know what to do to "maintain."

Like any problem, we first have to understand the issue before we can try to correct the situation. It's sometimes all too easy to forget our feelings and lose that "connection" with our spouse, especially after years and years of marriage. These issues can either sneak up on us or we can see it coming from a mile away, and many times we don't know how to deal with it or what to do to make the situation better.

A common misconception many people have is that once we've actually figured the issue out, the problem is over and we think, "Oh, that was it. Done. Fixed."

But, this is where the maintaining part comes in. To maintain something, or anything for that matter, is an ongoing cycle. When maintaining something there is a need for constant upkeep—making a constant and conscious effort to keep your marriage in good shape and not just when a particular problem arises, but all the time.

Of course there are a number of standards necessary to keep and maintain a good marriage. Trust and honesty are the most common and quite simply the most important in keeping a marriage healthy.

Yet, trust and honesty are often two of the hardest things to maintain for some couples. My husband and I will have been married 20 years this year. Not only that, but we've been together since we were 15 years old, which brings me to the word that follows trust and honesty—silliness.

Bring On the SillinessIf I said John, my husband, and I have had a good and strong marriage during the entire 20 years that we have been married, I would be telling you a fairytale. Of course, that is what most of us have in our minds when we get married, isn't it? The "Once Upon A Time, Happily Ever After" fairytale of love.

I now work in an office, a sea of cubicles, if you will. But, not too long ago, I worked for the Coalition for the Homeless of Central Florida in the middle of downtown Orlando. My husband and I both worked there for two years. John worked in the Men's Emergency Shelter, and I worked in the Center for Women and Families.

Even though we have not worked there for several years now, I keep a picture on my cubicle wall at work of some of the kids that lived in the shelter when we worked there, along with our own kids' pictures.

You often hear people say the children of the world are our future. It is very true. But, we have more to learn from the children of the world than we may realize. And this is but one of numerous reasons I keep the children's pictures on my wall to view every day.

A child's first best friend is one of the most pure, open and strong relationships that one could ever find. As a child, we are honest with our best friend, we trust them with our most secret of secrets, aren't afraid of their judgment and we aren't afraid of being silly. With no reason or plans, we’re silly and make each other laugh with our pure and unadulterated silliness.

More than likely, before you were married or at the beginning of your marriage, you experienced this with your spouse. Sadly, what can happen after you've been married a while—once "life" comes in and you have more and more responsibilities: bills, kids, and worries—the word "adult" out weighs anything else and leaves you wondering where the silliness went.

You may try to go out for a nice "date night" to have fun together and then find yourselves bringing up all the "adult stuff" during dinner. "Oh, did you pay that bill?” or you may find your spouse bringing up work, or you might bring up a repair needed on your home.

Of course, yes, we are adults and we do have responsibilities. But, I am here to tell you: You are allowed to check the adult at the door sometimes.

A good suggestion to help: find a new activity to do that neither of you have ever done before or find a group of couples to make new friends that are looking to also find new and fun activities to partake. Introducing new activities and/or new people sprout new, fresh ideas and outlooks and will create conversations about new and different things.

If you don't feel like you want to do stuff with other couples, you could still join, or view online, a "meet up" group for couples in your local area and see what kind of activities they are planning. Even if you don't join their group, you may very well come across some things, places, or activities that sprout a new interest for you as a couple.

And, though it is nice if you're able to, you don't have to go out and spend money for a date night in order to do it.

Watch a stupid movie together and make fun of it during the whole thing; sit on the floor and play a silly game that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever; have a picnic outside and fly a kite; turn all the lights out in the house and roast marshmallows or hot dogs over a fireplace or the gas flames on your stove… whatever.

Okay, so you don't have a fireplace and your stove is electric, but don't miss the point here. Be silly, have fun, and enjoy each other in that moment and forget all the hubbub of being an adult, at least for a little while.

You may just find that along with the silliness and more open and honest communication, the trust and honesty will follow.

Article was published by Hitched Magazine with  different title of "Maintain a Solid Marriage by being silly."

Saturday, April 2, 2011

My letter to the Editor of People Magazine


Dear Editor,

I am contacting you to ask you to please consider featuring one or more Missing child or adult in each of your issues.

People Magazine is in a wonderful and prime position to help thousands of Missing individuals. I hope that you can realize just how much you could help.

For every person who contacts you, there are thousands that are represented that could benefit from your efforts.

"People helping People" would be such an amazing thing. Please consider this.

I speak with personal knowledge on this subject as I am the daughter of a missing person.

When someone vanishes or is abducted, this is something that never goes away. For the family and friends of the missing, it stays with them for the remainder of their life. It's pain does not go away. The 'not knowing' swirls the hearts of so many people, I don't believe anyone could even begin to put a valid count on it.

There are so many unsolved cases for missing, abducted, and murdered and they all deserve to be heard.

Their voice has been taken.

We must be their voice.

Thank you,

Misty Lynn Walker

Daughter of missing person, Debra Ann Wilhite

Author of "Little Misty: My Big Red Button (non-fiction)
This campaign to People Magazine was introduced to me by Drew Kesse, father of Jennifer Kesse, who was abducted from Orlando, FL in January 2006.
Below is a link to the campaign/event that was created on facebook by "Help Find Emillie Hoyt." It includes additional ways that you can contact People Magazine.  Please consider contacting them! It only takes a moment.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

THE SQUEAKY WHEEL TOUR - Performers helping the Missing - whilst simply doin' what they do

Are you a performing musician/band/(comedian, even) ?  OR do you have a loved one who is a missing person?

I know, most of you are thinking "What the heck do these two things have in common?" - right?  Just stay with me, and I'll explain.

Years ago, I may have thought the same thing. My mother, Debra Ann Wilhite, was a missing person, it was something I'd lived with my whole life. On the flip side, I had been doing comedy at night the past two years and had been in the comedy industry for ten years. Incorporating these two things together had never even occurred to me... that is, until I met Jannel Rap.

When I first met Jannel, it was like we'd been brought together by a higher force. And I still do truly believe that is entirely the case.

Jannel Rap is a singer/songwriter/performer.  Her sister, Gina Boss, was as well until October 17, 2000. Gina performed at an open mic in Lincoln, Nebraska one night. She left the pub that night and was never seen again. The next day her car was found across the street, her guitar and music was in the trunk of her car, and the trunk door was sitting ajar. Gina, however, was no where to be found. Today in 2011, this is still the case.

One of my strongest beliefs is that we are all to use what we are given. Jannel Rap is a prime example of this. After her sister went missing, she began profiling her sister, and loads of other missing persons, as well, within her music sets while she was performing. She later organized "G.I.N.A. for Missing Persons" - an organization that brings musical artists and the missing together, getting those who are missing who have no "draw" that the media covets, into the public's eye.

She then began "The Squeaky Wheel Tour" - and it became an INTERNATIONAL Tour with hundreds of different musical artists and hundreds of the missing were profiled. Local artists who only perform in their little home time could participate, national artists who tour across the country could participate... this allowed for many, many more missing people to get the attention that they deserve.  It was perfect.

For anyone who is thinking profiling missing persons within their music set would "put a damper" on their performance, think again --- I did the first COMEDY show in this way, and it was great. People had an awesome time watching the comedians perform, and in between each comic, I profiled a different missing adult/child who was local to our specific area. It was an awesome show, AND people went away knowing they were also helping the missing.  ---And this is how your show would be as well.

If you are a performer, please consider being a part of The Squeaky Wheel Tour.

If you have a loved one who is missing who you would like to be featured at one of the Squeaky Wheel events, OR you are a performer who would like to participate, please contact JANNEL RAP  by visiting or

If you have questions or concerns that you would like to address prior to contacting Jannel, you are welcome to contact me directly at or on Facebook.

It doesn't matter if you are a cover band, a folk singer, a one man show with you and a guitar, a rock/pop artist, country, heavy metal... You can be a part of something so very big, that helps so, so many people.

Please, consider this.

Misty Lynn