What is my voice again, exactly?

I'm a big user of the "notes" app on my iPhone. I've had one on there for a good long while. 

The title?

 "Speaking Engagement (for real)"

And that's all that the note has held. Just a lonely title; nothing more.

Today,  I wrote three words. "Forgiveness and understanding." Yep. That's all.

I have believed that my doing stand-up comedy was a door for me. Well, yes, it was in fact a door for me, for a lot of things, but I believed it was a stepping stone to speaking engagements. 

I was comfortable in front of the audience. And I have a lot to share with people. Seems fitting.

It's still something that I would like to do. I've been asked a few times by different groups or organizations, but declined.

After the last offer that I declined, someone that I know told me a speaking engagement should be easy, when compared to doing stand-up.

Should it? I don't think I agree. Comedy seemed easy. Trying to figure out a "format" and what I'd actually want to say at a speaking engagement is proving to be alot more difficult. 

Maybe it's because the comedy was mainly for me? I didn't really care what the outcome was. I liked it. I enjoyed it. 

But this, it's not for me, it's for "them." It's for the audience. I have difficulty even beginning.

So, it makes me wonder now if I should just stick to writing.  Or maybe, I'm just giving up because it's too hard. 

Either way. 

Here I am.

Writing about it.