Monday, August 2, 2010

Right this very moment

Never fails that dates seem to still sneak up on me sometimes. August 2nd. Of course. I knew it was coming up. It crossed my mind ever so briefly one day last week. And then got to work this morning and saw my calender was still on July. Turned it to August and -bam- there it is. Always makes it so much worse when I'm already having a bad day... and then am forced to 'remember that I forgot.'

Today is my sister Amy's birthday. We're supposed to be out somewhere right now having a glass of wine, raising our nice wine glasses into the air over our corner table in our favorite place.... clinking our glasses together, laughing, smiling, and making enough noise to disturb the people at the table next to us.... talking about the memories of her past birthdays... how much trouble we got in together when we were young...

That's what we're supposed to be doing... right this very moment. Right this very moment, I'd say, "You know you actually look younger than you did this time last year. I can barely see those crowes feet and that gray hair," (this is me pointing out that one gray hair). And she'd smack my hand away and we would laugh. (After she pointed out my gray hair.)

That's what we're supposed to be doing right this very moment. Right this very moment, we'd get all serious and I'd tell her about my problems. And even though she's heard them all before she would listen contently as if it was all new. And she would hug me and tell me she loves her little sister. Right at this very moment.

Right at this very moment, I am wishing with all of my heart that this could all be a true story, that you'd seen more birthdays than you did.

Seven. Ha. It's supposed to be your lucky number Amy.

Not the number of candles on your last cake.

Right at this very moment.

Love you. If I had a glass of wine I'd raise it to you. To my big sister. Happy Birthday Amy Sue.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

A (very) Short & Sweet View - Base Topics of "Little Misty: My Big Red Button" Book by Misty Lynn Walker

1) MISSING PERSONS CASE - My mother, Debra Ann Wilhite, has been a missing person from Evansville, Indiana since October 1974 when I was a year old.

2) LOSS OF A SECOND PARENT - My father, Jeff Wilhite, was killed in an auto/train accident in 1976 when I was three years old.

3) HAPPINESS IS HELPING ST. JUDE - My only sibling, Amy Sue Wilhite, passed away when I was five at St. Jude Children's Research Hospital after battling leukemia. A large chunk of this book outlines my thought process and feelings at the age of five while dealing with her loss and the survivors guilt that followed.

4) STAND-UP COMEDY - Doing stand-up comedy helped me to regain my 'voice.'

5) FAITH, POSITIVITY, and your PERCEPTION of things - and how it can change your life.


Click link below to view/purchase


Thursday, February 4, 2010

She didn't have a Chance...

Driving home from work tonight, I found myself twirling my sweetheart ring on my finger alot. Just the other day, while I was at the check out lane waiting for the cashier to ring up our groceries, the bagger that was standing in front of me commented on the ring. "Oh, what a pretty ring you have. Is it new?" It's funny to me that someone would ask if this particular ring is new. This ring that I wear nearly every day, and have for years and years, is about forty years old. My father had given it to my mother before they got married.
As I twirled the ring on my finger on the way home, I wondered if my mother had ever done the same while she was driivng home, or any other time. It occurred to me, that when she wore this ring, she was just so very young. Not that I'd never realized this fact prior, but it really just hits home with me sometimes and usually at random moments such as this. Vanishing at the age of nineteen as she did, she just didn't have a chance... "She didn't even have a chance... She didn't even have a chance...." These words circled my head the rest of the way home.

Then... I had to chuckle to myself when my phone beeped and I looked down at the screen. It said "Chance." My son, Chance, had sent me a text message. "She just didn't have a chance," I heard in my head again, but this time I heard the addition of, "...but, I do."

Wednesday, January 6, 2010


There really aren't alot of things I remember my teachers actually saying to us in high school, but here are two of the things that I still remember.

ONE: Mr. Wilgus saying "Proper Planning Prevents Poor Performance." Why in the heck I remember that, I haven't a clue. But, to this day, John and I will recite it to each other when we're trying to make a point about something every once in a while.

TWO: I actually don't recall which teacher told us this, but I remember the story... He talked about him having to write an essay when he was in school about something that the teacher wrote on the board and all the teacher wrote was the word "Why?". His fellow classmates sat down and began writing pages and pages, but one student stood up and turned in his paper right away. On his paper he had written only these two words... "Why not?"

This is one of the reasons I wrote this book, but it wasn't the only reason.

No one that I have ever met has had a past history anything like mine, but when you single out all of the' individual' things that I wrote about in the book, the possibilities of how many people can relate to it and how many people it might touch really could reach a very high number. In retrospect, if just one or two people read it and get some sort of inspiration, revelation, or comfort from it, that to me is an awesome gift that I was able to share with someone and makes it all worth it, regardless.

Individuals who may relate or may take something from it:
-Parents who lost a young child to an illness who also have other young children
-Those who lost a sibling when they were a child
-Someone struggling with their faith in God
-Individuals dealing with clinical depression
-Someone who was raised by a grandparent
-Family or friend of a missing person
-Individuals who lost one or both parents at a very young age
-Those in a dismal financial situation
-People struggling with survivor's guilt

These are just some of the things that I wrote about, all from personal experience. Though I do not fit into the first category of "parents who lost a young child to an illness who also have other young children," I wrote about my experiences as the "other young children" and believe reading my writings about these experiences, what my perception of things were during my sister's illness and death and thereafter, and what my thoughts were at such a young age, may be very beneficial to these parents.

Though I was apprehensive about putting it out there in plain view of all the world to see, I sucked it up and wrote about my personal experiences with clinical depression and an attempted suicide. Yes, I said it. And you know what... I am certainly not the only one in the world who has been in this deep dark place. But, I know that there are many who 'feel' like they are alone. I hope they will be able to read my book and see what things I went through and see that I made it through and that they can, too. This is an illness like any other and it can be overcome.

"Little Misty" isn't little anymore.... I am not afraid and will shout it from the roof tops if it helps another.

Why write this? ...there ya go.