Consideration when choosing a family pet

You and your spouse have been discussing it, and have come to the conclusion that you are both ready to take the plunge. It’s time to bring an addition into your family—a pet!

Whether it’s just you and your spouse or if you have children, getting a pet should not be a decision that’s made on the spur of the moment. Putting great thought into it, before making any final decisions, will be seriously beneficial to everyone in the long run.

How do I know this, you might ask? Experience. My family and I have brought in numerous pets over the years without putting appropriate thought into it beforehand. We’ve made mistakes. But, perhaps sharing our mistakes will help you to find your perfect family pet.

Some may say, "If it’s in a cage or a bowl, there’s not really anything to think about. I mean, how much trouble could a pet of this nature possibly be?"

For one, if you have small children it may be more challenging than you think. About 13 years ago, my husband and I along with our son, Chance, returned with a small gold fish we had won by tossing ping pong balls into fishbowls. Simple enough, right? A little fish food, a bowl—which we didn’t even have—and presto! Perfect caretakers. Chance, at first, wanted to take the fish out of the "fish mug," which we were keeping it in so he could play with it. He didn’t understand that it had to stay in water. "Bath?" he’d ask, assuming the fish had to stay in the water. So, we obliged the young tot and confirmed to him that, yes, the fish was taking a bath.

After having the fish about a week, I came through the living room one evening and noticed a bath towel up on one of the shelves in the living room. I picked up the towel and let out a gasp. The bath towel had soaked up all of the water in the fish’s mug. I can only assume that Chance had decided the fish was done taking a bath. What did Mommy do when it was time for Chance to get out of his bath? I dried him off with a bath towel. I’m sure to him it made perfect sense.

Services were held later that evening over the toilet bowl, just before bath time.

Our first mistake and one that you and your spouse need to discuss as soon as a new pet is introduced into the family is: Do we have the proper resources to care for this new family addition? And, are we ready to educate ourselves and our children on how to properly care for the new pet? The first thing you should do is look up the animal on the internet and do some reading. Go down to your local pet shop and ask questions. All life should be loved and nurtured, no matter how small and it’s going to require some effort from everyone in the house. If you have any doubt then it’s probably going to be a negative experience and one that will have you and your spouse sitting in your child’s room "explaining" some things.

With that said, here are a couple more do’s and don’ts that will help you along the way.

Don’t become the town breeder.Back when I was in high school, I purchased a female and a male hamster. I quickly became the hamster breeder for the local pet shop. My female hamster had 10-15 babies at a time, and since the gestation period is very short, we had a lot of baby hamsters over a two-year period. I traded the hamster babies at the pet shop in town for more food and bedding for the next brood of babies. Looking back, why I didn’t simply separate the male and female is very perplexing.

The lesson here is that although it’s a nice thought to be able to provide a companion for your caged pet, be sure you don’t inadvertently become the town breeder. Also, keep in mind that with a cage comes cage cleaning. If you are unable to maintain the needed upkeep, consider other options that may better suite your family.

Do educate yourself and your family on the types of illnesses the animal may be prone to and what the symptoms are.When the boys were young, we had a pet rabbit, briefly. It was a dwarf rabbit and was very sweet. Unfortunately, the rabbit was sick when we got it and passed on shortly after. Because we had not educated ourselves on this animal before we brought it home, including the types of illnesses that they are prone to, and what the symptoms of these illnesses were, we did not even realize that the rabbit was ill. We simply thought it was very "friendly, gentle and calm," as we were told.

Owning and caring for a pet is a lot of responsibility and it's important for the entire family to understand and feel that responsibility. When you, your spouse and kid(s) are all aware of the care and needs of your pet, that animal will return the favor by supplying you with years of happiness—or chewed up furniture.



Published by Hitched Magazine October 2011
http://www.hitchedmag.com/article.php?id=1252

October 25th - A greater significance than I knew

John and I will have been married 20 years in a few weeks on October 25, 2011.

We were "official" on this same date in high school, so that is why we chose this date to be married three years later. We were fresh out of high school. Even so, October 25, 1991 was the date the "Walker Family" began, with just he and I. Jeffrey came along not too long after in 1993, and then Chance in 1996.

The significance of October 25th at that time was only that it had been our "we are officially a couple" date. Until today, I had no idea that this date held a great significance in my life, that had actually begun 15 years before we got married.

During our recent visit back home to Evansville, Indiana, my Mom (my grandmother who raised me) sent me home with some boxes of things. She's moved from her house in Posey County to an apartment in town and the boxes of things she gave me had been found in one of the storage areas when it was cleaned out. 

There was a photo album in one of the boxes that I don't recall every seeing before. It had belonged to my parents. It didn't have many photos in it, but some of them I had never seen before.

"Deb and Jeff 1971"

In the front of the photo album was an envelope that Mom had put in there for me. Inside the envelope was a copy of my father's accident report from when he was killed on September 25, 1976. It contained additional information that I hadn't seen previously. I also found a paper that took me a minute to realize what it was. It was the guardianship papers that granted legal guardianship over my sister and I to my Mom. 

The date that my family changed back then, was on the same date that my family had changed when 

John and I got married... October 25th. 

I had no idea the date of our wedding was so significant, and before I even knew it.

 

My Mom and I at my book signing in Evansville, Indiana
September 2011

Misty and John October 2011

I love my families... all of them.

Planning a vacation destination

When it comes to traveling, my husband and I are complete opposites. I’m a homebody and he’s Mr. Adventure—always on the go and likes to travel to different countries. This can cause issues, or even arguments, when we are trying to plan a vacation destination that will suite both of our needs.

What to do? Something many couples may not even think to consider.

First, you must analyze yourself and discover why you feel the way you do. Second, you must share your thoughts and feelings with your spouse. And lastly, understand your spouse’s point of view the best you can and come to an agreement.

When I ask myself, "Why do I like to stick close to home?"—and I really think about it—it makes perfect sense and is no surprise.

I lost my family very young and was raised by my grandmother. As a child, I was extremely close to her and had great separation anxiety when I was away from her. Even spending one night away at a friend's house caused issues and sometimes she would have to come pick me up in the middle of the night. I preferred being in my comfort zone of familiar surroundings where I felt safe and secure.

As I grew a bit older, spending the night at a friend's house was no longer an issue because their homes, too, became a part of my comfort zones and I felt secure there.

But, when it was time for college, just the thought of attending a large campus away from home was a cause of anxiety; and I opted for a very small community college close to home, instead. Add in the fact my mother is a missing person and my father was killed in an accident, and knowing how easily bad things can happen, it is no surprise that I've always been a homebody. It all just makes sense and, for me and my history, is "normal."

Don't get me wrong. At 38 years old, I'm no shut-in by any means. I'd just prefer to do a "day trip" or maybe a weekend trip to somewhere that's not too far from home rather than flying away for a week or two to another country.

Understanding One Another’s Point of View
What fueled our vacation planning discussion between my husband and I started when we’d been given the opportunity to use a time-share once a year.

My husband's point of view is this: "We can go anywhere in the world. Why would I want to waste that opportunity and stay somewhere in the same state that we live in? We can do that any time."

Valid point.

And you know what? The more he explains his point of view, the more I am actually warming up to the idea. And the more I explain my point of view, the more he is warming up to my idea of doing something close to home—even day or weekend trips, too.

Over the past few years, we've not vacationed because we simply couldn't agree on where we would go. So, we just didn't go… period.

Now, I'm starting to get excited about taking a trip. Why waste something that is a great opportunity? I've always loved Egyptian history and architecture. Egypt… Paris… maybe Italy?

I am learning to release my former fears and anxiety and am allowing myself to embrace my creative and spontaneous side. What wonderful pictures I would be able to take if we went to Egypt! How many writing ideas would I come up with in Paris?

In turn, my husband is also realizing we can have a wonderful "mini-vacation" at a local resort an hour from home.

End result? We're going to be doing both.

Published by Hitched Magazine http://www.hitchedmag.com/article.php?id=1237

Be sure to check out some of the other great articles on HitchedMag.com.

It is a wonderful resource for married couples!

"You don't listen." Wait... or DO you?

Rewind twenty years...

John and I are eighteen years old and freshly married. We are having an argument. What about - oh, who the heck knows. But, there's one thing I do remember from this night, other than the fact we'd also recently gotten a waterbed.

But, I digress.

John was going on about something and I was listening to whatever it was he was talking about... without saying anything.

He later was agitated because I was not saying anything. He thought that because I was not going back and forth with him that I was not listening to what he was saying and thought that I was not putting forth effort to help resolve whatever the issue was at that time.

My response was that I did not want to interrupt him while he was talking and by the time he was done I forgot what it was that I was going to say.

(And I'm not saying anything bad about my husband here, he just gets on a roll sometimes when he is passionate about something, as many do.)

His response? "Interrupt me then."

I listened. And I obliged.

Fast forward ten years...

John can't finish a thought out loud without me putting in my two cents.

Ahhhh... Evolution. Sometimes it just really doesn't go the way we imagined it would.

Fast forward another ten years to today...

Sure I do still interrupt sometimes. But, it is more balanced now and I make a conscious effort. And now when John is talking, he will stop periodically and ask my thoughts.

Point of the story:

1) Sometimes we need to just shut up.
2) Sometimes we need to speak up.
3) Sometimes we need to just shut up, so our spouse can speak up.

Live. Love. Learn.

Misty Lynn