A quarter and a smile

Photo by Misty Lynn Walker and Boys

John and I went grocery shopping earlier. We shop often at our local Aldi food market. For anyone not familiar with that chain, at Aldi you are responsible for bagging your own food i.e. you bring your own bags (or you can buy bags there; disposable or reusable.)

When you first arrive, you put a quarter in a slot on a cart, which releases it from the rest of the carts. When you are done shopping and have unloaded your cart, you take it back to the front and attach it to the rest of the carts, which pushes your quarter back out to you.

All items within the store are off-brands, so the cost of some items are generally going to be much less than if you purchased it at a higher end grocery chain.

With that, in combination with the shopper being responsible for their own bagging and return of their cart, it allows a much lower over head for the store as they do not require the staff to bag groceries or retrieve carts from the parking lot, which also helps with keeping the consumer's cost down.

To me, it's very green and "hippy-ish," and is one of the reasons that I like shopping there. I also enjoy coffee shops and small cafe's and co-op restaurants where you (gasp) yes, bus your own tables.

With all of that said, believe it or not I'm not trying to promote any place or anything. Well... Actually, I take that back. I am promoting something, but must explain further before you will understand what it is.

As we just finished loading the last of our groceries into our vehicle, a man with a young boy with him was walking by us on his way to the store entrance. He stopped and, with a friendly smile and demeanor, said "Can I save you a trip and trade you a quarter for your cart?"

Of course, we traded. He gave us a quarter, and I held the cart to keep it from rolling while he put his boy in.

Driving home John said, "It's amazing more people don't do that."

To do this, being nice and friendly to a stranger is required. And this is something that some people just don't even consider, think about, or take the time to do.

"A quarter and a smile" is worth a great deal more than just 25 cents.

Those three words

"It's a boy."

My oldest son, Jeff, turned 18 last week. On his birthday, while I was at work, I sporadically listed to my friends things my 'baby' could now do. This evening, he did one of the numerous things on my list - he bought some scratch off lottery tickets.

Over the course of the evening, I've reminisced particular things that have happened over the course of his life... And i realized just how many of these things Jeff has no recollection of because he was alive, yes, but was but a wee peanut still growing in my belly.

I've decided to share some things so he can get a peek inside and share a glimpse of how our lives evolved around him, before, during, and after his birth.

My husband, John, and I married at eighteen, just five months after we graduated high school. On our one-year wedding anniversary in October of 1992, I was two months pregnant.

John and I were still living with my "Mom," my grandmother who raised me.

John's half sister, Melissa, and her husband (also named John) had recently moved in right down the road from us, and we spent a lot of time with them before and during the pregnancy. Melissa was pregnant at the same time I was and we actually went and got tested at the same time to confirm.

(Though Melissa and John had moved away to a different state by the end of our pregnancies, we almost delivered at the same time- your cousin was born the day after you on May 4th.)

The day I'd went and got tested to confirm was also the day I told my Mom we were expecting. With the same breath, I also told her that, if it was a boy, he would be named... Jeffrey.

Even though John and I had  been married less than a year, and I was only 19, I'd already known for a long time that my first son would be named Jeff- after my father.

My father had been killed in an accident in 1976 when I was three. I never knew him, but I knew without a doubt that he was a kind and good man. And this was one way I knew his memory would live on, even past me.

If I have one regret, it is that I did not go further and give Jeffrey the middle name of "Wilhite," my maiden name and my father's last name. We picked the middle name of William simply because it fit nicely and seemed to work well.

(Though your Dad never really had a choice and never disagreed with naming you Jeffrey, he rebelliously called you "Junior" after you were born. But, that wore off after a couple weeks.)

I was working as a cashier at "The Eagles Nest" during my pregnancy. (The cafe at the University of Southern Indiana) The college students that came through my line every day watched as my belly grew bigger and bigger.

(And then one day, I wasn't there when they came thru the line. We were at the hospital instead- because it was the day you decided you were ready to see the world. Well, it was the day before, actually. You took your time.)

We were at the hospital around 1pm in the afternoon on May 2nd and just after 1am in the morning on May 3rd, we had a beautiful baby boy in our arms.

Over the course of the nine months, everyone had convinced us that we were having a girl. We'd picked the name Jessica Lynn, just in case.

I am thankful, and grateful, that our "Jeffrey" arrived as we'd originally and initially planned.

(I can't imagine our lives without YOU.)

Our little beautiful and perfect baby boy is now EIGHTEEN, and graduating high school in less than a month. Our first son has matured and grown to be such a wonderful, intelligent, funny, creative, and just awesome person all around.

It's simply mind boggling as it seems it was just yesterday that we heard those three words... "It's a boy."

Trust, Honesty, and... Silliness

Putting aside the "adult" in your marriage may lead to a more open and honest relationship with your spouse.

The simple act of being married is easy. However, maintaining a solid, happy relationship does take effort on both sides. The tough part is that sometimes we simply don't know what to do to "maintain."

Like any problem, we first have to understand the issue before we can try to correct the situation. It's sometimes all too easy to forget our feelings and lose that "connection" with our spouse, especially after years and years of marriage. These issues can either sneak up on us or we can see it coming from a mile away, and many times we don't know how to deal with it or what to do to make the situation better.

A common misconception many people have is that once we've actually figured the issue out, the problem is over and we think, "Oh, that was it. Done. Fixed."

But, this is where the maintaining part comes in. To maintain something, or anything for that matter, is an ongoing cycle. When maintaining something there is a need for constant upkeep—making a constant and conscious effort to keep your marriage in good shape and not just when a particular problem arises, but all the time.

Of course there are a number of standards necessary to keep and maintain a good marriage. Trust and honesty are the most common and quite simply the most important in keeping a marriage healthy.

Yet, trust and honesty are often two of the hardest things to maintain for some couples. My husband and I will have been married 20 years this year. Not only that, but we've been together since we were 15 years old, which brings me to the word that follows trust and honesty—silliness.

Bring On the SillinessIf I said John, my husband, and I have had a good and strong marriage during the entire 20 years that we have been married, I would be telling you a fairytale. Of course, that is what most of us have in our minds when we get married, isn't it? The "Once Upon A Time, Happily Ever After" fairytale of love.

I now work in an office, a sea of cubicles, if you will. But, not too long ago, I worked for the Coalition for the Homeless of Central Florida in the middle of downtown Orlando. My husband and I both worked there for two years. John worked in the Men's Emergency Shelter, and I worked in the Center for Women and Families.

Even though we have not worked there for several years now, I keep a picture on my cubicle wall at work of some of the kids that lived in the shelter when we worked there, along with our own kids' pictures.

You often hear people say the children of the world are our future. It is very true. But, we have more to learn from the children of the world than we may realize. And this is but one of numerous reasons I keep the children's pictures on my wall to view every day.

A child's first best friend is one of the most pure, open and strong relationships that one could ever find. As a child, we are honest with our best friend, we trust them with our most secret of secrets, aren't afraid of their judgment and we aren't afraid of being silly. With no reason or plans, we’re silly and make each other laugh with our pure and unadulterated silliness.

More than likely, before you were married or at the beginning of your marriage, you experienced this with your spouse. Sadly, what can happen after you've been married a while—once "life" comes in and you have more and more responsibilities: bills, kids, and worries—the word "adult" out weighs anything else and leaves you wondering where the silliness went.

You may try to go out for a nice "date night" to have fun together and then find yourselves bringing up all the "adult stuff" during dinner. "Oh, did you pay that bill?” or you may find your spouse bringing up work, or you might bring up a repair needed on your home.

Of course, yes, we are adults and we do have responsibilities. But, I am here to tell you: You are allowed to check the adult at the door sometimes.

A good suggestion to help: find a new activity to do that neither of you have ever done before or find a group of couples to make new friends that are looking to also find new and fun activities to partake. Introducing new activities and/or new people sprout new, fresh ideas and outlooks and will create conversations about new and different things.

If you don't feel like you want to do stuff with other couples, you could still join, or view online, a "meet up" group for couples in your local area and see what kind of activities they are planning. Even if you don't join their group, you may very well come across some things, places, or activities that sprout a new interest for you as a couple.

And, though it is nice if you're able to, you don't have to go out and spend money for a date night in order to do it.

Watch a stupid movie together and make fun of it during the whole thing; sit on the floor and play a silly game that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever; have a picnic outside and fly a kite; turn all the lights out in the house and roast marshmallows or hot dogs over a fireplace or the gas flames on your stove… whatever.

Okay, so you don't have a fireplace and your stove is electric, but don't miss the point here. Be silly, have fun, and enjoy each other in that moment and forget all the hubbub of being an adult, at least for a little while.

You may just find that along with the silliness and more open and honest communication, the trust and honesty will follow.

Article was published by Hitched Magazine with  different title of "Maintain a Solid Marriage by being silly."
http://www.hitchedmag.com/article.php?id=1168

My letter to the Editor of People Magazine

To: Editor@People.com

Dear Editor,


I am contacting you to ask you to please consider featuring one or more Missing child or adult in each of your issues.

People Magazine is in a wonderful and prime position to help thousands of Missing individuals. I hope that you can realize just how much you could help.

For every person who contacts you, there are thousands that are represented that could benefit from your efforts.

"People helping People" would be such an amazing thing. Please consider this.

I speak with personal knowledge on this subject as I am the daughter of a missing person.

When someone vanishes or is abducted, this is something that never goes away. For the family and friends of the missing, it stays with them for the remainder of their life. It's pain does not go away. The 'not knowing' swirls the hearts of so many people, I don't believe anyone could even begin to put a valid count on it.

There are so many unsolved cases for missing, abducted, and murdered and they all deserve to be heard.

Their voice has been taken.

We must be their voice.



Thank you,

Misty Lynn Walker

Daughter of missing person, Debra Ann Wilhite

Author of "Little Misty: My Big Red Button (non-fiction)
 
 
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This campaign to People Magazine was introduced to me by Drew Kesse, father of Jennifer Kesse, who was abducted from Orlando, FL in January 2006.
 
Below is a link to the campaign/event that was created on facebook by "Help Find Emillie Hoyt." It includes additional ways that you can contact People Magazine.  Please consider contacting them! It only takes a moment.
 
https://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=196813350359189